Come back.

Someone once said, that death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss in life, is what dies inside us while we live. I could tell you who said it, but who the hell really cares?

It all just feels so fake, you know? This idea that good things happen to good people. That there’s magic even in this world, and that the meek and the righteous will inherit it. Too many good people suffer for that to be true. Too many prayers go unanswered. And every day it just gets worse. 

Every day we ignore how truly broken this world is, and we tell ourselves it’s all going to be okay. But maybe it’s not going to be okay; How do we know?

And once you know that, there’s no going back. 

Boom.

I feel so very depressed these days. I know, it's such a cliche that word. People needlessly throw it around so much it's lost it's meaning.
The truth is, I'm upset. I wish I could pinpoint the reason, but as usual it's like my brain is trolling me (Thankyou 9gag for my new profound knowledge on everything Meme.); I know it's something specific that's got to be bothering me but lately I get upset about everything, especially the state of my poor country. Every beggar or vendor I see? I literally MUST stop & give them money. If I don't, I genuinely feel so down thinking of their plight that it usually takes atleast 30 to 40 minutes for me to get them out of my head. Can you imagine? In a city like Karachi, where there's beggars at every signal. Yeah, you do the math.
This train of thought usually leads to another, where I then start thinking about how I don't appreciate my parents enough or how I don't practice my religion enough or thank God for everything.
It doesn't end there - next comes the frustration at not being able to do something to help the people. I wish it was only about the people but then I start getting upset about the animals I see around the city. Today, I actually teared up when my mum stopped at the meat shop & I saw all those chickens in the cages. Add this emotional instance to the twenty billion times I've seen a stray cat or dog on the road & begged my boyfriend to let me take them home & you can see, I've got myself quite a conundrum.
I love my mother to bits, I think it's safe to say I love & appreciate both my parents a lot more since I've been sent abroad to study. But oh mama, you gotta stop making me feel so shitty about myself! I know you're trying to help, but all your constant nagging is doing is making me feel overweight, de motivated & not at all pretty.
Finally, friends. Yeah, hi. I exist, I miss you guys, I want to hang out & actually do something other than sit around watch you smoke or drink & talk about people who don't matter; we used to hang out before too remember, we've been friends for so long & this is what I get for it? Honestly, I feel like it's the end of high school again, I don't know who I can trust anymore. I thought I had that bit figured out.
Sigh, currently I'm fighting with somebody I care a lot about & the truth is, he's right. But that also doesn't mean I'm wrong. We are at what they call, a passe.

Blog, you have just been subject to the ramblings of an overloaded girl brain. Don't worry, I'm done for now.
Thank you & Goodnight.

Day 875546789

Atleast that's what it feels like.
Never felt so alive and so helpless at the same time; is this what they mean when they say "prime of your life"?
Clear blue skies, each cloud decipherable and then there's the land. Bumps and little hills brimming with grass alongside the asphalt, dotted with tiny flowers. Picture perfect? Yes. Heaven on earth? Maybe.
We'll see what the end of next week brings.

Along for the Ride.

Wow I haven't been on here in the longest time. I don't know why I suddenly decided to write here because I haven't been able to write properly in months. Oh, I'll doodle and scribble on my notebook of the month but sadly, I haven't written a real thing for almost a year now.

The funny thing is, it's not like somebody's reading this, maybe someone will come across it but other than that, no one's really listening y'know? And I think that's the beauty of it. To write just because you want to, to do it for yourself and not for anyone or anything.

The fundamentals of writing have changed so much, nowadays all people can talk about is the end of the world or mythical creatures. It's like JEEZUS, what happened to actually writing a good old fashioned heartfelt story? A story that gives you goose bumps when you read the last paragraph and makes you cry and feel along the way. Who cares if it's fictional? At least it's about things that are real. I think I'm ranting about this because I found a new Sarah Dessen book; She is amazing, I wish I could write like her. Reading her books always makes me feel better and mainly because it's set in a world that is no where close to perfect. The clincher for me, is that it all works out in the end no matter what.

I like that ideology. I personally deem myself to be a fairly positive person, all that jazz about "Life is what you make of it" or "Everything happens for a reason" or my current favourite "Everything will be alright in the end; if it isn't, it's not the end yet."? Yeah, I'm like a walking poster girl for these. I got waaay more of these where they came from. I try to be the glass half full instead of the glass half empty but I think I'm stuck somewhere in the middle - more like, glass sort of full and glass sort of empty. Because seriously, it's ain't always butterflies and rainbows. Pick up a newspaper and you've got the biggest example right there; Planet Earth!

But it ain't right not to hope either. Hope's all we've got really, it's what got us all here in the first place.