I feel so very depressed these days. I know, it's such a cliche that word. People needlessly throw it around so much it's lost it's meaning.
The truth is, I'm upset. I wish I could pinpoint the reason, but as usual it's like my brain is trolling me (Thankyou 9gag for my new profound knowledge on everything Meme.); I know it's something specific that's got to be bothering me but lately I get upset about everything, especially the state of my poor country. Every beggar or vendor I see? I literally MUST stop & give them money. If I don't, I genuinely feel so down thinking of their plight that it usually takes atleast 30 to 40 minutes for me to get them out of my head. Can you imagine? In a city like Karachi, where there's beggars at every signal. Yeah, you do the math.
This train of thought usually leads to another, where I then start thinking about how I don't appreciate my parents enough or how I don't practice my religion enough or thank God for everything.
It doesn't end there - next comes the frustration at not being able to do something to help the people. I wish it was only about the people but then I start getting upset about the animals I see around the city. Today, I actually teared up when my mum stopped at the meat shop & I saw all those chickens in the cages. Add this emotional instance to the twenty billion times I've seen a stray cat or dog on the road & begged my boyfriend to let me take them home & you can see, I've got myself quite a conundrum.
I love my mother to bits, I think it's safe to say I love & appreciate both my parents a lot more since I've been sent abroad to study. But oh mama, you gotta stop making me feel so shitty about myself! I know you're trying to help, but all your constant nagging is doing is making me feel overweight, de motivated & not at all pretty.
Finally, friends. Yeah, hi. I exist, I miss you guys, I want to hang out & actually do something other than sit around watch you smoke or drink & talk about people who don't matter; we used to hang out before too remember, we've been friends for so long & this is what I get for it? Honestly, I feel like it's the end of high school again, I don't know who I can trust anymore. I thought I had that bit figured out.
Sigh, currently I'm fighting with somebody I care a lot about & the truth is, he's right. But that also doesn't mean I'm wrong. We are at what they call, a passe.
Blog, you have just been subject to the ramblings of an overloaded girl brain. Don't worry, I'm done for now.
Thank you & Goodnight.
