I feel so very depressed these days. I know, it's such a cliche that word. People needlessly throw it around so much it's lost it's meaning.
The truth is, I'm upset. I wish I could pinpoint the reason, but as usual it's like my brain is trolling me (Thankyou 9gag for my new profound knowledge on everything Meme.); I know it's something specific that's got to be bothering me but lately I get upset about everything, especially the state of my poor country. Every beggar or vendor I see? I literally MUST stop & give them money. If I don't, I genuinely feel so down thinking of their plight that it usually takes atleast 30 to 40 minutes for me to get them out of my head. Can you imagine? In a city like Karachi, where there's beggars at every signal. Yeah, you do the math.
This train of thought usually leads to another, where I then start thinking about how I don't appreciate my parents enough or how I don't practice my religion enough or thank God for everything.
It doesn't end there - next comes the frustration at not being able to do something to help the people. I wish it was only about the people but then I start getting upset about the animals I see around the city. Today, I actually teared up when my mum stopped at the meat shop & I saw all those chickens in the cages. Add this emotional instance to the twenty billion times I've seen a stray cat or dog on the road & begged my boyfriend to let me take them home & you can see, I've got myself quite a conundrum.
I love my mother to bits, I think it's safe to say I love & appreciate both my parents a lot more since I've been sent abroad to study. But oh mama, you gotta stop making me feel so shitty about myself! I know you're trying to help, but all your constant nagging is doing is making me feel overweight, de motivated & not at all pretty.
Finally, friends. Yeah, hi. I exist, I miss you guys, I want to hang out & actually do something other than sit around watch you smoke or drink & talk about people who don't matter; we used to hang out before too remember, we've been friends for so long & this is what I get for it? Honestly, I feel like it's the end of high school again, I don't know who I can trust anymore. I thought I had that bit figured out.
Sigh, currently I'm fighting with somebody I care a lot about & the truth is, he's right. But that also doesn't mean I'm wrong. We are at what they call, a passe.
Blog, you have just been subject to the ramblings of an overloaded girl brain. Don't worry, I'm done for now.
Thank you & Goodnight.
The mother bit. I can relate. I think its the whole sending us abroad to study that makes them this way and now that we're back and they cant adjust to the new us anymore. We'll forever be too fat or too skinny for them and they'll still complain about not helping out at home even though youre at home all day and jump at the sound of your name from the room next door to get her a glass of water every ten minutes.
ReplyDeleteHold on tight. Its not gonna get easier, it may not get harder than this but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger and Lipton ki chai is the strongest..